She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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