What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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