I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
