Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
