Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
