Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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