On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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