Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
