got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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