my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
