I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
