Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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