And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
