my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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