The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
