Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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