Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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