Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
