is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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