the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
