If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm passing your future prison.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize