Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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