U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
