I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I will die if light touches me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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