I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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