you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
