p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
