i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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