we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
