sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize