I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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