you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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