So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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