i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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