sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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