WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize