dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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