Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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