My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
