What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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