the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have feelings that need drinking.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
