just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
where are my pants?
in the oven.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
