angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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