Where is the hickey?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
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You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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