just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
