My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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