I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
