I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
