Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
