Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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