Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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