yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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