it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
