Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
