1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
