I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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