So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
