Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize